Right Before My Eyes
by babychan1
Summary: Scott muses over his chosen love. S/O
1. Default Chapter

Author: Babychan email. baby_chan1778@yahoo.com

Title: Right Before My Eyes

Series: none

Disclaimer: X-men and all its characters do NOT belong to me. 

Summery: Scott/ Ororo. Scott muses over his chosen love. 

Right Before My Eyes

You know that old saying, "You never miss the water until your well runs dry" Well I know exactly what they meant. 

Right before my eyes. This whole time...she was right before my eyes and I never saw her. 

And now....

When my focus is clear....

I lost her. 

I'm waiting for her now. She should be entering the library in about five minutes. She is such a slave to routine. Even when she tries to change, she falls right back into her well carved and comfortable rut. 

I glance at my watch, only few more minutes. I can't believe that... I am reduced to stalking her just so I can get to watch her without being interrupted, called out, or ridiculed.

They just don't understand.... They don't understand what it feels like to love someone so much that it hurts. 

So many years I wasted pining over Jean. So many years...

If I would have just known that I could have had a chance with her, you can bet your ass I would have taken it. But....

How does a mere mortal tell a goddess that he is in love with her?

If I would have known, I wouldn't be in the mess I am in now.

Don't get me wrong. I loved Jean, I really did. I *lived_*_ for her. I would have *died* for her. Killed, stole, anything for her.

All she had to do was say the word.

And then.... she did.

She told me to get the fuck out! 

And I did.

I had no choice. 

It was my own fault. 

It really was. 

I should have expected it. I really should have. I mean she *is* a telepath.

So of course she would know when my thoughts, dreams, desire and love started to waver. 

When my preference for red hair turned into white. 

Then again...maybe she didn't find my infidelity in my thoughts. I mean it took a year after I realized that I was in love with the goddess before Jean even mentioned it. 

Jean was never one to pry. Even in *my* thoughts. The professor taught her those morals well. And for that I was always grateful.

So perhaps it was in my own actions that lead her to see the truth. That I no longer loved her in that unconditional way anymore. 

Yes, maybe Jean noticed the way I started to stand closer to Ororo than I needed to. Or the way I always started to notice when the goddess came into a room and how I would gaze at her longer than I should have. Blushed every time she smiled at me, hell every time she spoke to me. Maybe she noticed the way I seemed to volunteer to help Ororo in the green house....everyday. Or how I would rearrange the training schedule so that Ororo and I would be paired together... every time. 

I used to do that for Jean. Used to, being the key word.

No...now that I think about it. I'm certain that it wasn't any of that. Jean never noticed, she would have called me on it. Threw me out long before the night I confessed.

But my actions weren't as discreet as I hoped they would have been because even though Jean was oblivious to my wonderlust, Logan was not 

Nor was Marie....

Remy 

Jubilee

Kitty

Peter

Bobbi

God the list goes on and on.

I should be ashamed, I know...But I'm not.

Love tends to change people, and not always in the best ways. 

But the funny thing is, like Jean, Ororo never noticed.

She never noticed me. Not that way anyway. 

But her boyfriend did.

It wasn't that he wanted *me*, that way. 

It was that he noticed that I was in love with his girl. And that I was trying to steal her away from him. 

I'll admit it. I was. Still am, actually 

But....

Damn him! Damn him to HELL! I hate him!

No, I shouldn't be like that. 

I should be happy that he makes Ororo so happy. I should be happy for them...for him. 

He *is* my brother after all. 

But he had *no right* to tell me to stay away from Ororo. 

No right to tell me that I need to try and make things right with Jean.

I wish I never found him. I wish his power never surfaced.

I wish...I wish I never suggested for him to come here and join the X-men.

Because now.... I lost her. 

To him.

He always gets EVERYTHING!!

Even when we were little.

Everything I ever wanted...was given to him.

At first...I thought he was going to try and seduce Jean. I think if he did, she wouldn't have turned him down. From the get-go, She was attracted to him. I could tell right from the moment we picked him up from the airport. She kept looking into his sky blue eyes, and then the way she looked at me, and at my ruby glasses and force a smile. At that moment I felt. 

Broken. 

But I let it go because I knew she wished she could see my eyes. When we got to the mansion, all was well. I introduced Alex to everyone and he seemed to hit it off well with the X-men as well as the students in the school. The only ones he didn't meet at that time was Ororo and Professor Xavier. They were in Egypt for a conference and since Ro was the only one who spoke the language fluently, she was his interpreter. 

It was in the days we waited for the professor and my co-leader to come back did I realize how unhappy I was in my marriage. 

I started to notice the way Jean spent all her free time with my brother. Giving him a "tour." I wasn't stupid. I knew her game. She played it before, with Logan. But this time, I didn't get jealous. This time I didn't care. I wasn't sure why I didn't care. I just didn't. 

~~

When the door to the library opened I unconsciously sat back so I was enshrouded in the shadows. 

God Ro, how long have I been in love with you? It seems like forever. But I do remember the day I realized that I loved you. You and only you. Forever you. 

It all happened the morning of the day you and Professor Xavier came back. Logan, Marie, Jean, Alex and I were in the adult lounge. We were sharing past stories and adventures when Jean and Marie had the bright idea of bringing out the photo albums for Alex's benefit. There were about 24 albums, no lying, and each one had at least 100 pages. My brother took it with good cheer and was eager to share in the many good times we had in the haven which was Xavier Mansion. A mutants perfect little paradise, a refuge from the hate. 

Perhaps it was fate, but the first one they dug out of the pile to look at was *my* personal album. Honestly, I don't even know where Jean found it. It had ample pictures of the original X-men. Me, Bobbi, Hank, Peter and Jean. 

God we looked so young.

And of course, there were tons of pictures of Jean. 

Then ... there was you, Ro. I didn't even know I had taken that picture of you. It was maybe 6 months after you arrived. When you still wore your tiara. You had on some type of toga like dress and you were floating in the air. A full moon was behind you, your eyes were a ablaze with white fire and you were in full Goddess- I'm -controlling -the -elements mode. 

My God that was a sexy picture. 

"Who's this?" I remember Alex asking. I could tell that he was enraptured by the picture and for some reason that bothered me. I wasn't even sure why. He had asked the same question about the other original X-men, but when he wanted to know who *you* were... I felt...extremely jealous and possessive. 

"Oh" Jean giggled and curled her fingers as if she were going to tell a scary story. "That's our resident Weather Witch!"

Weather Witch. 

I could have smacked her where she sat. I'm mean if I was the kind of man that hit women. But the way she had said it, Ro. You could tell that she was insulting you. I wasn't the only one who noticed it either.

Alex gave her a confused glance and everyone else in the room just stared at Jean. In shock. A disgusted type if shock.

It was no secret that Jean had a deep seeded enmity toward you, Ororo; even though in public, your relationship seemed amiable. I still don't see how you two have pulled off that charade for so many years. Logan and I are still fighting like cat's and dogs. 

I guess you two are just used to it. I mean, from my point of view, it seemed like your personal relationship started off on a bad note. 

You don't know this, my sweet, but Jean's dislike toward you started after she realized that she was no longer the object of every guy's, in the mansion, fantasy girl. Before you moved in, Jean would mope about and whine that she wished there was another female in the house. But after she got her wish, she hated the fact that she wasn't the only female among men.

When I think about it now, Its kinda funny. 

But back then however, I was so mad at you, Ro. I didn't understand why Jean hated you so much, because she never told me. Being older and wiser, I know now. But back then, I just knew that you were a thorn in her side and because I loved her and she hated you.... well, I couldn't find it in myself to ever hate you, but... you made me angry. 

At the time, I didn't understand that she was upset because you were drop dead gorgeous and 10 years younger than her. I didn't realized that her emerald eyes were green with envy because the guys in the house seemed to worship the ground you walked on. 

Jean always boasted about being an independent woman, so I didn't understand why she cared so much that the guys were actually and literally *fighting* each other to do your bidding. 

As for you, Ororo...well, you weren't completely innocent either. I know that you weren't jealous of the crimson haired doctor. No, that wasn't it at all. In truth Goddess, I don' t think you acknowledged Jean's existence, at all, unless it was on the battlefield. Ororo, your problem was...to put it nicely... When you first moved into the mansion...you, my dear, were the *worst* kind of snob. 

But how could you not be? For the last six years of your life you were worshipped, WORSHIPPED as a GODDESS! And because of that you expected things to be done for you. 

And for the most part....

They were. 

Even though I was completely devoted to Jean, *I* even found myself fighting for one of your household chores. 

I can remember it as if it were yesterday. It was your laundry that I wanted to do. The guys, we had an arm-wrestling contest for it. But in the end, it was Peter who won. 

The pervert!

Not that I didn't want the job for the same exact reasons, but *I* wasn't the one who was stealing your used panties every chance I could get.

Ok, okay... Maybe I did it once...Ok twice. But everyone was doing it, so it didn't really count.   
And anyway, I only did it twice... Okay maybe three times. But that was it!

Ororo, you should have seen Marie take up for you. I was proud. I just wish that I could have done it myself. She corrected Jean's purposely mistaken title and explained to Alex about your goddess-ship .

It was during that polite southern reprimand when I noticed how *close* Jean was sitting to Alex. Practically on his lap! Alex didn't seem to mind ,or maybe he didn't notice because his eyes never wavered from your picture. 

I think that's when I realized how deeply I was in love with you. Because I was pissed off. 

I wasn't mad at Jean, who was blatantly flirting with my little brother! 

No... I was upset at the thought that Alex could be attracted to you, Ororo. 

*MY* Ororo!

No, not mine. 

Not yet anyway.

What are you reading my love? I can't see the title from here. 

You have no idea how hard it is for me to stay over here while you are so close. 

So close but yet....so far. 

I watched the object of my affections read silently, in a corner, at the other end of the library. Rays of sunlight filtered through the window and cast a heavenly glow over her as it gave her hair a romantic shimmer.

Her luscious tresses looked so soft to the touch, and I wished that I could run my fingers through it. Just once. I want to know if it was really as soft as it looked. 

But if I even tried..... then that would give away my hiding spot. 

And I couldn't do that because you don't even know that I am here do you, Ro. For if you did, you probably would have gotten your book and left the library to read in another room. 

I know its not that you dislike me. You have no idea how grateful I was to hear those words from you. I have no doubt in their validity because you don't lie do you, my goddess? No of course not. 

Its just easier for you to avoid me, to avoid confusion. Even after a year of dating, Alex is paranoid that he is going to loose you to me.

He should be. Because I swear, Ro, you will be mine one day. 

I know its hurts you, what I am doing. I also know it's driving a wedge in your relationship with Alex, but trust me, love. Its for your own good. 

You deserve better than him.

I wonder if this was how Logan felt. Completely unremorseful to the damage he caused to a perfectly healthy relationship

I know I should feel guilty. But I love you, Ro. And it's *I* who deserve you. Not *him*

Why won't you see that?

Ah!... Where are you going? Its not 7:15 yet! 

And you never leave until 7:15. So what's the big rush? What was in that book that got you so excited that you had to leave so suddenly? This is the only precious beads of time I get alone with you. 

Before I even know it, I've padded across the empty room and was standing in front of the shelf where she so carefully put the book back in it proper place. 

I pulled the book out and kissed where I knew her fingers have touched before I read the title. 

And as my glasses hidden eyes scan the title, I felt like my heart was ripped out. 

But I was still alive. Unfortunately.

How could you Ro?

How could you? 

With a shaking hand, I placed the book back in it place, and then methodically and with labored movements I made my way down to the first floor to await dinner. 

To await the announcement that Ro found in that damned book. 

That book with the title. "_25 Ways to Tell Friends and Family That You Secretly Got Married Over Dinner."_

Well.... At least I am prepared.

But Ororo, my Goddess, mine. 

Don't think I've given up on you. 

I'll never give up. Not on you...

Not on us.

We were meant for each other.

And one day, you will see that... 

You will see the true love that you have been wishing and searching for.

You will see me.

Just as clearly as I see you. 

I will wait forever if I have too. 

And one day... you will thank me for never giving up on us. 

But until that day...

I'll be patient.

And I'll be waiting...Right before your eyes.

the end.


	2. Visions of Love

Author: Babychan 

email. baby_chan1778@yahoo.com

Title: Visions of Love

Series: none

Disclaimer: X-men and all its characters do NOT belong to me. 

Summery: Scott/ Ororo. Scott muses over his chosen love. sequel to Right Before My Eyes

Visions of Love

Oh Jean! 

Oh God Jean!

I could just kiss you!

You beautiful vindictive bitch!

I can't believe you seduced him.

I can't believe that he actually went to you. 

The demon of envy

When he had Ororo....

A Goddess

The goddess of beauty.

What an *idiot*!

But his loss is going to be my gain.

I should hate you both for hurting her...

But I can't. 

I'm to grateful!!

I couldn't have broken them up better if I would have done it myself!

And what's so funny is that over this past year, of their marriage I've tried and tried and TRIED to wedge myself between them . But much to my dismay, they seemed to be stuck tighter than glue. 

Ororo knew that I loved her, but she never pushed me away. 

She would have.

But she had mercy on me because she is now the mother of my child. 

Jean, oh Jean, you just never quit do you? 

You just had to go and hurt us both, didn't you? 

You wanted to hurt me for not loving you anymore and hurt Ro for being the object of my affections.

I must admit, you *did* hurt me when you told my son what I did to Maddie. I still can't believe you purposely turned my son against me. Made him hate me. 

But you thought that he would turn to you, didn't you? You thought he would love you just because you looked like *her.* 

You bitch!

But he didn't. He hated you even more than I thought a four year old was capable of. And he attacked you with a power that not even the professor can fathom. 

You thought that you could pretend to be innocent, but you were just as guilty as I was. 

I might have left them, but you *kept* me. You knew that I went insane in my grief... When I thought you had died on the moon. 

Jean...You knew I was married. You knew I had a family, but you didn't even try to set me straight. Because you were back from the 'dead' and you wanted me for *yourself*.

You're a selfish bitch, Jean.

I don't even know what you were thinking, trying to play the innocent victim with little Chris. You of all people should know that its stupid to even try to lie to a telepath. 

That's why I was glad when little Christopher telekinetically slammed you against the wall and started to crush you with an invisible force. That's why I didn't even try to stop him. Xavier tried, mentally, but *couldn't* stop him. 

He was just* too* powerful.

You were terrified weren't you Jean, because in his rage, Chris almost killed you that day. 

And if it wasn't for Ororo, he would have.

I'll never forget that day as long as I live. All she had to do was create one violent clap of thunder and my son stopped his deadly attack, dead in his tracks. As clear as if it were happening right now, I can remember him turning his attention to Ro, just as you fell unceremoniously to the floor. 

What I don't remember is when she came into professors office. I don't know how much she saw or heard but there she was, in the doorway. Her white hair and white silk dress fluttering beautifully around her and her eyes ablaze with white fire.

She truly looked the part of the goddess. 

"Nathan." She called him and held out one hand to him. At the time, Ro was the only one to call him by his first name. Now, little Chris won't answer to anything else.

I remember that I tore my gaze away from the weather goddess just in time to see my son run toward his Auntie Roro.

I guess I should say... I tore my gaze away from the goddess, just in time to see him run to his mama. Because that's what he calls you now, isn't that right, Ro? 

However, I didn't realize at the time that when he left with you that day, he was choosing *you* to be his parent. To be the only Mamma and Daddy that he would ever need. 

Ever want.

I wonder if you knew? I don't think you did. I think you were just trying to get him out of the room and away from the marriage counseling session gone bad. I say this because that night when I came to pick him up, you looked *very* surprised when my son turned his powers against me and refused to leave your quarters. 

After what I saw him do to Jean, in Xavier's office, I knew I wouldn't escape his wrath. But it still hurt like a motherfucker when he telekinetically threw me down that flight of stairs. 

But I must say, it was worth it, just to hear you scream, Ro. You were scared for me. Hell, I was scared for me! But you flew down those steps so quickly to make sure I was ok. You were the last thing I saw before I blacked out. 

When I came to, it was your *husband*, Alex, who was at my bedside. He told me that Nathan threatened to run away if you gave him back to me. 

I think I would have taken the news better if you would have given it to me, Ro. Because all I heard was that Alex, who had not only married the woman I was in love with, was now going to be the father to my son. 

*MY* SON!!

He always gets EVERYTHING!!! 

I didn't take the news well. But you forgave me. Even made sure that Nathan was a part of my life, much to my son's protest. 

Oh and Jean, I wish you could have seen your face when Nathan chose Ro instead of you. When you found out that she won and *you* lost! The shocked look you gave was priceless! I even heard Logan chuckle a bit.

Ro, I have to admit that it hurt to see Alex with my son. In between the both of you. He honestly looked like he belonged to the both of you. Facially, Nathan took after my family, so he looked like my brother. But some how, my son had white hair and blue eyes like yours, Ro. 

God it hurt. I'm pretty sure my pain was written all over my face. Perhaps... Logan was laughing at me as well that morning. 

Asshole.

But I should have known that morning, that Nathan only wanted you, Ro. The way my son always made sure that he was *in between* you and your husband. 

He never let you two be alone did he? 

Did you know that Alex even confronted me and accused *me*of convincing Nathan to come in between the both of you. 

Is if Nathan would listen to me. My son wouldn't have even been around me if it wasn't for your charging, Ro.

But my goddess, mine, *you* never confronted me though. *You* never accused me. Probably because I don't think you realized what burden my son was to your marriage. 

You were the perfect wife and mother. 

Everyone could see that. 

Everyone. 

Its just that Alex was selfish and he didn't want to share you.

And also because Nathan didn't want to share you either. 

It must be a Summers thing. To be obsessively selfish. 

But you gave 110% of yourself to the both of them and still had time to be the Co-Leader of the x-men. 

It hurt to see you so obliviously happy when I *knew* you were going to get hurt.

I knew Alex was going to screw things up with you. His code name isn't Havock for nothing. 

I'm sorry. 

I'm sorry that you married the bastard!! 

I love you, Ro... That's why I stood back and let it happen.

I let your marriage fall apart at the seams. 

I had too.... 

Or I would have lost this chance.

To make you see me.

But for the life of me, I didn't think that he would *cheat* on you! I thought that he would maybe...I dunno complain about Nathan. Try to force you into giving him back to me.

I know that would have made you just as angry. Because even though you didn't give birth to him, he was your child. The only child you would ever have...

Because you couldn't have anymore...

Not any of your own anyway...Because they did something to you.... Took something from you.

When we were captured... So long ago...

During Project X.

The thunder is shaking the whole mansion, and the storm outside it threatening to topple the whole place down. 

Everyone is terrified. 

Even Logan. 

I think he regrets telling you where Alex was. 

I've never seen you so angry before, my love. No one has ever seen you this angry before.

I glance at Marie. I can tell that she is more furious than afraid though. Ro is like the sister she never had. 

I feel sorry for Alex when she gets a hold of him. 

Nah... no I don't.

We were all gathered in the adult lounge, staring out of the windows and at the scene being played out down the lawn and by the lake. 

Ro, just caught her husband, my brother cheating with my ex-wife. God, its like a big Summers' soap opera. 

Then the whole sky lit up with lightening, accompanied with an ear-shattering boom of thunder.

"Sweet Mary Mother of God!" I heard Remy breath out fearfully as he squinted his eyes and covered his ears.

It took a few second before my eyes were able to focus again. I was just in time to see my goddess turn around and start walking toward the mansion. 

My half-dressed, idiot brother was calling to her. Trying to explain. As if there was an excuse for what he just did.

I was pleased to see that she didn't even turn around. However, I was more than surprised when a litany of lighten bolts came crashing down onto Jean's boathouse.

She didn't even flinch when it exploded.

She just kept walking back to the mansion....

And never once looked back. 

"Holy Fuck!" Logan yelled dumbstruck. Though I could tell by his tone that even though he was shocked, he was also impressed.

Alex was thrown forward but he was alright. Unfortunately. When he got up he ran toward the destroyed boathouse. He was looking for Jean. 

Idiot.

She was already out of the boat. She had followed him out after Ro had found them together. But when she noticed that he was looking for her, she started playing it up, pretending that she was wounded. Playing the innocent victim. 

I sneered and couldn't help but wonder if Jean was always such a calculating slut. 

It helps that you can read our minds, doesn't it bitch? Helps you know exactly what buttons to push, which cards to plays, what words to say to keep us at your bidding. 

Yes, Jean... keep it up. 

Because you *think* you are hurting us...Ro and myself.

I look down at my, now, five year old son. He's holding my hand as he watches the storm and his mama worriedly.

"Daddy."

God his voice is so sweet.

"Yes?"

"Is mama going to be okay?"

I risk it, and I pick him up and hug him close. I find myself breathing out a breath I wasn't aware I was holding when he doesn't push me away. Instead, he actually rests his head on my shoulder and continues to stare out of the window and at his mama. 

It was at that very moment, that Ororo opened up the glass door and walked into the room with all of us. Even though she was completely soaked from the storm outside, I can clearly see the steady stream of her tears. I could tell that she was shocked to see us blatantly eavesdropping. Then she looked away from us and out of that glass door she just came in through. I knew what she was doing; she was trying to see how much one could observe from this vantage point. 

By the way her shoulders slumped, I could tell that she now knew that we could see everything. And for a fleeting moment, she almost looked embarrassed that we witnessed the destruction of her marriage. 

Almost. 

And at that moment I remembered the time, when I was helping her in her greenhouse, she told me that as a goddess she was so 'hip' that even her errors were correct. She was joking, of course, but I as I watch her right now, as she forced herself to stand up straight, through back her shoulders and look at us with the strength we've always known her for, I can't help but see the truth in her words. 

Ro, my goddess mine, you have nothing to be ashamed of. Alex is an idiot. An idiot that never deserved you. 

"Do you want me to kill 'em ,darlin?'" I heard Logan ask as he made a fist and unsheathed his blades. I could tell by his tone that he was serious. Deadly serious. 

Marie looked at him then at Ororo as if waiting for the go ahead. She hated Jean, and she would never forgive my *ex*, not only for this betrayal of trust, but for the time when Jean tried to steal Logan from her. 

It happened a few months after Jean and I separated for good, she tried to make me jealous with Logan again. She didn't even care that he was now with Marie. However, the Wolverine wasn't interested and the only thing Jean accomplished was making a fool out of herself and an enemy out of Rogue. 

"No." My goddess whispered her answer to Logan's question as she turned her attention to my son. With slow and graceful steps, she closed the distance between the three of us.

My God she sounded so broken when she answered him. I decided then and there I was going to beat the hell out my brother.

"Baby." She tried to smile out but failed miserably.

"Yes, mama?" Nathan answered in a small whimpering voice. I surmised that he was probably empathetically picking up her sorrow plus having that compounded with his own worries. Poor little kid. 

"Will you be a good boy and stay with your daddy tonight?" She looked at me to make sure I didn't mind babysitting him. Of course I didn't, but she was always considerate like that. She gave me an appreciative smile after I nodded that I didn't mind.

However, my son looked at me in pure horror and tried to wiggle out my grip. I could tell that he feared that she was giving him back to me.

"Just for tonight, my dearest heart..." She assured in a weary sigh right before she gently ran her fingers through his platinum locks and kissed his brow. "Just for tonight. I'll pick you up in the morning and we'll have breakfast in bed as we watch cartoons."

"Umm.." He stopped wiggling and eyed her skeptically. "You promise?"

"My word is my bond. " She assured with a small royal nod.

A reluctant. "Okay... but just for tonight!" was our son's answer. I could tell that it was killing him to agree. But he agreed and that was a good sign, for me anyway. 

She gave him a patient smile, kissed him on the forehead one more time and walked back out into the storm.

It didn't seem possible, but the weather actually got *worse.* 

But don't they always say that problems always seem to get worse before they get better? 

Well, if they don't, I'm believing that those words ring truth because when Nathan laid his head on my shoulder again, I saw Ro turn around and...

She looked at me.

And I knew....

With everything I am, I knew....

That she finally saw me.

the end


End file.
